Why Living in an Apartment Sucks

I live in a college town. Not surprisingly there are plenty of apartment complexes spread around for students who don't want to live on campus. While living in an apartment is much better than a dorm for reasons like no "community leaders" checking in on you at the worst possible times, there are a few problems that come with off campus group living:

1. Elephants, etc.
In my first year of college and my only year in a dorm I lived on the top floor of my building so I never had to experience the sound of a stampede above my head at 3 in the morning. However, now I'm on the bottom floor of my apartment complex and several times a day I feel like I'm in Africa again being chased by an elephant chased by a rhino chased by a hippo.

                                                         anankkml

 "I just want a hug!"

Of course, these aren't the sounds of an African stampede, it's the sound of a group of lead-footed drunks stumbling their way through their apartment trying not to throw up before they reach the bathroom.

2. IP Addresses

One of the selling points of my complex what that it has the fastest internet in town, which is true. What they didn't advertise is that not only does each dormmate share the same IP address, but each building shares one. That means that the hypersexed perv above me who showed his cock on ChatRoulette got me and the rest of the building banned.

Well ok, I can live without ChatRoulette, but I still have to be careful. I'm linked in a way I don't want to be with dozens of 20-somethings doing pseudo legal internet surfing. It's only a matter of time before the party van shows up.

                                                                                            photostock

And not this kind of party. 

3. Sex

I'm sure that somewhere out there an apartment building exists that has walls that are more than a couple of inches thick. Also I'm sure that somewhere out there an apartment building exists that has sound proofing better than mine, but where I'm staying, everyone can hear everything. Everything. Especially sex.

Anyone who doesn't have the courtesy to blast their television or stereo while they're making bang bang in the boom boom gives everyone else first row tickets to the sounds of your love making.

                                                                                 Jeroen van Oostrom

Uh oh, Keith didn't pull out.

So be careful everyone. I don't want to hear your feet, your sex, your arrest, or anything else. I just want to live in my apartment, go to ChatRoulette if I want to, and wait until I can find my own damn house.