Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Why Living in an Apartment Sucks

I live in a college town. Not surprisingly there are plenty of apartment complexes spread around for students who don't want to live on campus. While living in an apartment is much better than a dorm for reasons like no "community leaders" checking in on you at the worst possible times, there are a few problems that come with off campus group living:

1. Elephants, etc.
In my first year of college and my only year in a dorm I lived on the top floor of my building so I never had to experience the sound of a stampede above my head at 3 in the morning. However, now I'm on the bottom floor of my apartment complex and several times a day I feel like I'm in Africa again being chased by an elephant chased by a rhino chased by a hippo.
                                                         anankkml
 "I just want a hug!"

Of course, these aren't the sounds of an African stampede, it's the sound of a group of lead-footed drunks stumbling their way through their apartment trying not to throw up before they reach the bathroom.

2. IP Addresses
One of the selling points of my complex what that it has the fastest internet in town, which is true. What they didn't advertise is that not only does each dormmate share the same IP address, but each building shares one. That means that the hypersexed perv above me who showed his cock on ChatRoulette got me and the rest of the building banned.

Well ok, I can live without ChatRoulette, but I still have to be careful. I'm linked in a way I don't want to be with dozens of 20-somethings doing pseudo legal internet surfing. It's only a matter of time before the party van shows up.
                                                                                            photostock
And not this kind of party. 

3. Sex
I'm sure that somewhere out there an apartment building exists that has walls that are more than a couple of inches thick. Also I'm sure that somewhere out there an apartment building exists that has sound proofing better than mine, but where I'm staying, everyone can hear everything. Everything. Especially sex.

Anyone who doesn't have the courtesy to blast their television or stereo while they're making bang bang in the boom boom gives everyone else first row tickets to the sounds of your love making.
                                                                                 Jeroen van Oostrom
Uh oh, Keith didn't pull out.

So be careful everyone. I don't want to hear your feet, your sex, your arrest, or anything else. I just want to live in my apartment, go to ChatRoulette if I want to, and wait until I can find my own damn house.

57 comments:

  1. When ever my neighbors in college were having sex i would turn on some porn and turn it up louder then them... i knew they could hear it.

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  2. Hahaha I feel your pain, I hate each of your points, so annoying.

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  3. haha, Bigmike. I wonder what is the best way to interrupt sex in progress? hmm...

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  4. As soon as I saw they Rhino picture I knew exactly what you would be saying, ha.

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  5. honestly don't have a problem with any of those. on the other hand, bitchy obnoxious landlords? check.

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  6. Fun fact.... if you take a look on the old Sega Genesis... there is a headphone jack.

    Do you know why this existed?

    So that KIDS COULD PLAY VIDEO GAMES WITHOUT ANNOYING YOUR NEIGHBORS IN THE APARTMENT COMPLEX!

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  7. That IS scary about the chatroulette perv.

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  8. Hehe. I lived in an apartment for 1 year. Didn't really like it. I've never been in a dorm though and would like to at least "try" living there.

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  9. haha nice elephant. ok very nice tips man i love you so much

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  10. Not to mention ghosts, warping walls, gunshots outside, the little elf that hides under the sink, and the occasional poop from the pets.

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  11. Sounds like it sucks. I like houses a lot better lol.

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  12. Haha watch out for the V& mate! The IP thing is stupid though

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  13. i can relate completely to this post

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  14. lol. I live in an apartment too, and although I don't experience all of your problems, I can definitely relate to some of them oh boy...

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  15. haha lived in a pretty big apartment last year and I can definitely vouch for everything you said. nice article

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  16. that is why im looking for a house with roommates instead of the hell of apartments haha

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  17. haha I like the caption to the last picture.

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  18. Haha sharing IP's does suck. My housemate clicks things on my blog and google thinks i'm cheating :P And that last pic caption was hilarious :3

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  19. About sex, same problem here, and to have your roomate go away, it's always a scene :x

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  20. Waha xD
    I live in the same apartment as a friend and well, Imagine the sounds I'm hearing friday-sunday when Mr.Party comes home with unknown chics D:

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  21. Sounds fun! I am moving into university halls next year which are the same thing... should be a good laugh!

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  22. Second and Third reasons ok... but you were stoned or drunk while writing first one didn't you?

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  23. it's sucks, feel sorry for you.

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  24. For the sex part, I recommend abandoning your shame. It will massively increase the quality of your life. :P

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  25. Why won't anyone just give that poor hippo a hug? =(

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  26. and the neibohours... oh, the neibohours.

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  27. Thats pretty ridiculous about the internet although suppose it works out cheaper for the owner of the building that way.

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  28. Haha, nice. Feel ya pain. Followed

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  29. And this is why I decided to rent an old farm house with 3 other friends.
    But we all feel your pain.

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  30. Omg, sharing the same IP must be very uncomfortable!
    Totally understand you.

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  31. i lived below a family of retards loud music, yelling, one time dude used my porch as a way to climb up on his deck to break into his home, b/c his beotch wife kicked him out

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  32. sharing ip addresses is the worst

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  33. I'd hate for someone else to ban me from my favourite websites

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  34. Neighbors having sex too loud? Order them a pizza.

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  35. Rofl, i know what you mean about the elephants :/

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  36. I feel sorry for you. I'm REALLY glad I study in my home city.

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  37. I know exactly what you mean. Except that instead of elephants upstairs, it always sounded like a jump-rope contest.

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  38. Interesting post. Keep em coming.

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  39. urgh, I share your pain, I just got out of an apartment complex and moved in with my gf, and my god was it worth it. also, yell "Finish Her" really loud every time you hear someone fucking someone else. They'll learn to keep it down. Or yell back "Mortal Kombat!" which is not only legendary, it'll also make you want to kill yourself

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  40. HA this makes me glad that I live in a semi-detached house :)

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  41. i'm living in an appartment :s lol

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  42. Hearing other peoples' sex is not a bad thing, but rather a good thing. Sex is natural - sex is fun, even when it is one-on-one.

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  43. Any updates on your college life? : )

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  44. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  45. lets see some new posts =D

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