This one should be obvious. There's vomit in college. Lots of it. Everywhere. And who's gotta clean it up? You. Me. All of us. And I gotta tell you, before college, I never had to clean it up. It was always my parents. And how did they learn this craft? By cleaning up their own and others' upchuck every weekend after a night of spending all their cash on booze only to wind up in bed the next morning wishing they had been killed on the way home.
For my children.
So now, when my kids get sick, drink too much, or get body weight issues, I'll know how to get the stains out of the carpet, remove the smell, and console my bud who's currently heaving himself to sixpack abs.
2. Cheap Food
How much money do I have a week to spend on food? None. Almost none. And there's no better way to kick start your survival skills like the knowledge that you have a limited timeframe to fuel you body before it eats up your remaining fat leaving you the nickname Scrawny McTwigerthin. So, when cash is scarce, buy cheap food.
Fast forward a few years. I'm out of college, working 9 to 5 making cash. I meet a nice girl and BAM- kids. How did this happen? No idea, I never had the sex talk. Now I have 4 mouths to feed and no cash to do it with. Now what the hell do I do? Call on my vast knowledge of cheap meals, that's what.
My favorite example? Fajitas. Tortilla, green pepper, onion, meat, and throw out ingredients as budget decreases. I make these delicious hunks of culinary art several times a week because it's the best cheap thing I know how to make. And I'm prepared to use this knowledge on my future family.
Not penises, wangs, or dongs, but assholes, douches, and cunts. Universities are crawling with them. Arrogant, self-entitled wankboxes who expect you to cater to their overflowing awesomeness.
You learn pretty quickly that it's impossible to avoid these people. You walk near them on the way to class, you get paired with them on a project, or even become forced to be roommates. So you deal with them. And hope that once you graduate you'll never have to deal with people like this again.
Until you have kids.
Until you have kids.
Children- the epitome of self-centered, arrogant cuntbananas. They expect, and demand, that you pamper them to their satisfaction. And guess what? You have to. They're your freakin' kids.
So when you start college, or if you've already been there, done that, know that sometimes the lessons are outside of class, and they aren't always the nicest instructions you'll receive.
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